Roxie:

Roxie was a rescued lab mix who lived in my home for 8 years. At the time of rescue, her paperwork said she was 7, so at death…she was at least 15. That is a long life for a lab (10-12 years) and even a lab mix (12-14 year). It was a hard decision to make, but her abilities to walk and bear weight were declining. And, I just couldn’t bear to see that happening.

As a responsible dog owner, it is important to care enough for them to make the hard decisions. And, I know it was the right and appropriate decision as no medication would be able to make her better.

Still…my heart bleeds. My house is empty. And, I am alone in a way I haven’t been in over 25 years. This will take me a while to get used to.

A day later

I find myself wanting to check places she used to sleep to locate her.

I gave the vet tech who came to our home to do her nails some of her open treats. I also gave her the Heartgard that was unopened and the big box of Milkbone cookies for large dogs. She has several medium to large dogs. I gave some of the small dog treats and small dog kibble in my home to my neighbor. Her dog Buddy used to come for play dates and an occasional overnight. And, I saw a woman walking to dogs – medium and large – around our cul-de-sac and gave her a couple of bags of unopened treats. I still have several unopened bags of treats to bestow somewhere.

I also have a neighbor with a young large standard poodle. She said she did not have a tall dog feeding station, so I cleaned up Roxie’s and donated it to her.

You would think that I did not have anything left…but I do. I have about a case of wet dog food in cans…and quite a few treats. I will probably take them to the ASPCA when I donate the dog beds…and leashes…and stuff.

Those are not the things that remind me of Roxie. Rather it is the places in the house that she claimed for her own…and the backyard…and the split screen that she tore up because the back door closed on her and she couldn’t get back in…and its replacement that I haven’t yet put up. It is the backyard gate that I no longer have to be sure is closed if I am leaving home on errands. It is the doggy doo that I missed picking up earlier. It is not the stuff. It is her essence.