I have had many Hanukkahs since I have chosen Judaism as my faith expression. And, most of them were shared with my mate, Ed. When he died, joy went out of a lot of those experiences that we shared.
It has now been four years since he died. It has taken most of that time for me to find my balance, to find a bit of who I am and what I like. I spent this year doing a lot of firsts: pulling a trailer on a massive 4500 mile trip all by myself and all that involves, deciding to start a wildflower garden, growing potatoes from eyes repeatedly, taking pictures with the Canon, and starting to learn more about my own spiritual needs.
So when Hanukkah rolled around, I was a different person. And, it took me by surprise…the whole holiday that is. The first night I had some leftover candles, so I could light them and say the blessings.
But, the first thing I did the next day was to go out shopping for candles…and it was suddenly important to me to get them. So I went to several stores looking. When I finally found them, I also found a new menorah that I liked…and a Hanukkah decorated coffee cup…so I bought them for myself. And then I had received Hanukkah wrapped gifts from my sister and my niece…and suddenly I had a holiday started.
Then a friend gave me another Hanukkah gift…and then my financial planning agency sent me a gift, and another friend gave me another gift…and a neighbor gave me a slice of cake. And wow!
Although I ended up eating fried foods, I did not make any this year. Without all that, I still had a wonderful holiday. I had family and friend who supported me. I enjoyed the simple act of lighting the candles each night and saying the blessings. And, I enjoyed the feeling that this was MY holiday. A new feeling for me. A feeling full of life and joy.
And, grateful for good friends and family…and faith. It feels good.
I hope each of you experience this joy, no matter how you celebrate the holidays. It is beautiful…this feeling.
Feathers of My Mind 