We all need affirmation from time to time. I have been posting a daily greeting and a daily blessing list on FB for over a year. Sometimes the post feels routine rather than new and fresh. Periodically I need someone to reflect that the posts touch or encourage them.
I am buying stuff to make my trailer more comfortable. Am I spending money wisely? Will I really get the benefit that I am seeking? Today I purchased a mattress topper ~ custom made…and thus non-returnable. I’m shopping for pots/pans…and looking to fix the wet bath walls.
Cleaning up the wild growing area of the yard. Pulling weeds…letting trees grow…trying to envision a more tame yet wild area. Ed was so great at envisioning gardens. I miss him.
I would like to make bread…but I eat too much as it is. I used to enjoy the process. I wonder if I would again.
Why do I read books…especially ones I am not enjoying?
I hired someone to do the front yard. It wasn’t so much for the mowing, but rather the hedges that I needed help getting done. Maybe I am spending too much because I could not afford to hire these people even every 2 weeks…especially if I needed to pay for the backyard. But, I want to get the hedges done…and I don’t want to do them myself. At least not this fall.
I have a fair number of Leather friends on my FB. Now I am finding that one of my friends is having an issue with a leather club of which I am an associate. I have had my own disappointments with the club. And, my leather house is so loosely a family…and all of them much younger than I am…that I am not even sure how connected I am to Leather. I do like the friends I have made…or acquaintances…but, I am not sure I am feeling a part of it all.
My life is so much more interesting nowadays. Camping, gardening, photography, birds. And learning how to cook and grill.
I hate that my energy flags some days…that I just run out of steam. I find that some days I just have to nap. It usually does not need to be long, but it needs to be. I wish that were not so…I wish I was stronger…had more energy and strength, but, I fear I will need to learn my own limits. And, most times I get most of what I need to do done. Am I giving in to old age? Should I be exercising and strength-building?
Sometimes I miss Ed so much…especially at this time of year. Not Ed as we were in the last years, but Ed when we first were together…my friend, my lover. I miss his company. I miss his wonderful sense of humor, his love of others, his ability as a cook and gardener. I miss him…being with him…sharing life.
Feathers of My Mind 