Difficult people interactions

This is my first entry since I made my blog private.

I found that, most of the past two months, I have either been depressed and sad or choosing to withdraw from people due to feeling too exposed. I am by nature an introvert. It takes energy for me to interact with others, and, although I have a certain need for people to people contact, I am perfectly happy by myself.

My hobbies and interests lend themselves to personal time – reading, taking care of the yard, cooking, my computer games and reading threads – rather than to interaction with others face-to-face.

Finally, there is the fact that so often I really do not know how to understand the interactions that bother me.  I tend to mull them over, sometimes for months, trying to understand my reactions and in an attempt to avoid putting my emotions on someone else. It occurs to me that that choice of how to respond (delaying) may be interpreted by others as not caring or indifferent, which is far from the actual fact.

So, currently, there are 3 such instances in my life.  The first involves a leather sister (of the leather house to which I belong). She has attended several munches where I was present. Twice she spoke openly of “playing” with my husband in such a way that felt possessive by me. In addition, she has spoken to others about me as if she knew the facts to be true. In every case, my own interpretation of my history was different from hers. With her, I have come to understand that, due to manner in which she speaks, I have felt violated – either in regards to Ed or in regards to my own life history. I have not yet decided how best to respond to her as I am fairly sure she would not really see my point nor would she have meant how it came across to me.

The second involves my birth sister. She has been reading this blog and my posts on FB and took exception to some of my writing. Her response was to call me, say her piece and then hang up before I could say a word. I have been left with her words and unsure how or if I should respond. The response I did make was to withdraw from posting on FB and make this blog private. However, it does not feel right to not address her words. Yet, how do I do so with grace on those points I feel are in error? How do I do so without defending myself?

The third is my neighbor. I had made arrangements for a friend to stay at my house and care for my dog during the week that I was traveling. She would feed my dog and generally care for her, but she was working during the weekday. My dog is fully capable of being alone. My friend would provide cuddling and play with my dog after her workday, so the dog’s needs would be taken care of adequately. Well, the neighbor, who is also a friend, has a dog who is a friend of my dog. This neighbor texted me during my trip and asked permission for the two dogs to get together one afternoon. I gave permission…I thought for just that afternoon only. However, the neighbor (who has a key to my home) took it upon herself to get my dog daily and to even take her overnight without further permission and without discussing with the person I put in charge of my dog. I am furious!!!! [This neighbor did this before in 2017. That makes me even more upset. At that time, I had a person living with me, and the neighbor said her reason was that my tenant did not really like dogs. My tenant did not like to cuddle animals but was perfectly safe and able to feed and generally care for my dog. Also, it was part of her responsibility in lieu of rent.] I have decided to ask for my house key back. However, I do need to give a reason, and I am so angry that I am not really sure how to ask for the key.  My immediate response is to never let her care for dog again…and instead to take her to a kennel when I am gone. But, I like this neighbor. She is my age…my first friend my age. We enjoy doing this together like plays and drinking coffee in each other’s houses.

Dang! I wish I had someone to advise me.

Update: I tackled the last one first. After several attempts on my neighbor’s part to get together, I invited her over for coffee. As we caught up with each other’s life, I took the chance to tell her about how I felt over her actions while I was gone. She even knew she had done the same thing before! I did not ask for the key, but I did tell her I would if it happened again as I felt disrespected by her actions. She accepted my feelings, and we went on to other things. I am not sure we are OK, but we will be going to a play together this week. And, I will make more of an effort to know her…to be interested in what interests her.

Another update: Last month I met with my leather house and ended up feeling attacked. As I went outside the restaurant to leave, the leather sister mentioned above came out. In our discussion of how I felt inside the restaurant, I ended up telling her me feelings (described above). She had no idea her words came across like that.

And, finally, last weekend, I called my birth sister to update her on our mother and my visit. I had a long talk with her by phone (which seldom happens) as well as getting the chance to talk with her daughter. It felt good. No need to visit any of the feelings that I have been mulling over. They just dissipated.