Touching base

That title reminds me of baseball and of the runner touching the base as he proceeds around the diamond.  Seems appropriate to my life, as I feel like I have been running all year long.

One of the NY Resolutions I made was to explore my spirituality. Most of this year, I have made small steps into looking for a Jewish home…wondering if a return to Christianity was in the cards for me…trying to find out where I belong. At times this search was urgent, but, most of the time it was on the periphery.

When I converted, although it was through a Conservative rabbi, it was with the idea that someday I might go to Israel and would need to be fully vetted by an Orthodox rabbi to be accepted. So…I learned it all…and had to pass the Orthodox rabbi’s review.

In the many years since then, my practice has waned. Portions remained…but active practice…not so much. I no longer set my lights on timers for Shabbat, or refrain from the use of the computer on Shabbat. I don’t prepare my dinner so that I will not need to cook on Shabbat. So much of the practice has fallen away…and much cannot be resumed due to where I live. There is no synagogue within walking distance nor a Kosher grocery nearby. I do not live where Jews are congregated…unless the local cows are Jewish!

And, as a result of that practice falling away, I have felt like an imposter.  The greatest gift I have been given recently was to spend a weekend with a couple who have incorporated Judaism into their lives. And, I came away knowing who I am as a Jew. And, it is comfortable.

This is my path. I can’t explain it anymore than I can explain the whys of so much of my life. I know that this path is my G-d directing me for my own growth and progress in His way for my life. I can’t explain it, but I do accept it. This path gives peace to my soul. It allows my spirit to soar. That’s a good thing, I think. A very good thing.