Night thoughts

One of the signs of recovery for me, after Ed’s death, was the return of active dreaming.

I have always been aware of my dreams, even if I cannot actually relate them the next morning. Yes, I have tried to write them down immediately upon awakening, but that activity did not last long. You see, I enjoy the dreaming…not the trying to understand the dream. And, I am aware that the stories I tell myself during the night are composites of books or thoughts that I have been engaged in during the previous day…especially right before sleep. However, I have never been successful in returning to a dream once I have awakened.

I also know that I often do problem solving in that twilight state either going to sleep or coming out of sleep, particularly when I am working on solving something prior to sleep.

Other times, usually in the middle of the night, I will wake up with an obsessive thought running through my head. Most of the time, it is distressing – causing some negative emotional response. It is impossible, due to the emotion, to let it go and return to sleep. I have tried. The solution for me is to get up and play the computer games I do daily to keep my thinking sharp – Suduko, Solitare, and Jigsaw puzzles. Soon I am ready for sleep.

Well, the other night I had a new experience. It was not based on anything that I had read or thought about the prior day. Instead, I found myself planning out a future activity that I am toying with trying but had doubts about – both of doing and significance. And, not only was this night thought different from my usual type, it was different in that I could wake and then return to it without significant difference.

I don’t know about other people and their night time thoughts, but this feels important to me. So…I will definitely put it into my future plans and work on the logistics as they come to me. For one thing, I need to talk with others who have had the experience I seek. For another thing, I need to find out the expectations, the rules, and other whys and wherefores that will be required. And, although there is much to do – even to deciding which to attempt (many choices) and when…it is definitely a part of where I am going.