Attempts

This week has been filled with many attempts to get things accomplished, without a lot of success.

Tuesday, it was the lawnmower. The old one, that Ed owned, had died early in the summer, so I bought a new one. I used it one week, and it broke (my term). I returned it to the store and was given another new one, same model. I used it 4 weeks, and it also “broke”. I took it in for repair. After 6-7 weeks, I got it back. However, in the meantime, I was paying to have my lawn mowed, so I did not need to use it again until this week. The upshot was that it was not repaired and that it had too much oil in it and had not been emptied and run to clear out the excess that had leaked into the motor. I went back to the store, where I met a man who knew all about motors. He instructed me in the way to take care of the issue (siphon out some of the oil and then let the mower run until it burns out the excess) as well as how to store it come winter. Oh, and I was given credit on my credit card for what I had paid for the repairs that were not done.

So, yesterday, I tried to follow instructions, only to have the little tube I was putting into the oil pan to fall off and get lost in the oil. I borrowed a tool from my neighbor, fished it out, and finished the process of reducing the level of oil. Today I will try to finish the process by seeing if I can get the mower started…and running. I have no confidence that I will succeed easily, but I will try.

Also on Tuesday, I finally got myself to the recycle place to ask questions about several things I want to get rid of. I learned they recycle oil, will take my lawnmower (the old one) even with the gasoline in it, will take all plastic despite what the sign says, and that I do not need to separate plastic/tin/paper/cardboard. I really think I might be able to get this recycling idea started soon. Today I will load up much of the stuff I have accumulated and take it out there.  Then I just need to set up where I will gather the stuff together for future trips, what I will put the stuff into and start recycling my trash items.

Then yesterday, I decided to try to listen to the Chabad teaching that I had signed up for. It is a video teaching by a woman about Abraham and Sarah. Between yesterday and today, I have tried three different browsers and still could not get past 2-3 minutes into the 30+ minutes of the course. Refreshing the screen did not help either as the course would start completely over. I have exchanged multiple emails with the sponsoring organization, but I doubt that this will be resolved. I am very disappointed as I was looking forward to this course.

I am also attempting to get my budget under control. I ran reports yesterday to find out what I am averaging each month for utilities, insurance, mortgage (fixed), groceries, pet care, and auto fuel/care. I also tried to get a sense of how much I spent on entertainment (mainly meals and drinks with friends). As expected the total comes to a BIG chunk of my monthly check. However, it did provide me with some determination to pay off the credit cards, hold in check my spending for a bit, and decrease my dependence on my savings. My goal eventually is to repay my savings for those withdrawals made in the past 2 years. However, to do that, I will need to have discretionary money.

The only good part about this week of attempts is that I have attempted to get things done that were important to me. I have learned a lot in the process, and I have found that, although, at times frustrated, I am not so disappointed that I am willing to quit trying. Maybe delaying a repeated attempt or two…but not totally quitting.

I think, for me, as good as the successes feel, it is even more important to my growth to try…to get up the nerve to attempt to do something, to ask the questions and risk looking incompetent or a fool, to make the hard choice that will at least get me closer to my goal rather than making no choice and staying where I am.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill (Found in Forbes – “30 Powerful Quotes on Failure” by Ekaterina Walter)