Sometimes just picking a title for my thoughts is a way of deciding what I will write about. Sometimes it helps clarify the direction of my writing. Sometimes I find that the title changes by the end of the blog. And…sometimes, well…it just is.
I started thinking today about a previous blog I wrote (October 18) that had to do with unfinished projects and how I have been doing a lot of those unfinished things. That led me to thinking about decisions that I had made in the past few months about other things.
First, I decided to be done with travel for the rest of the year. It is costly due to need for fuel and housing…as well as what to do with the dog and need for food. Since one of my new goals was to get my spending under control, this seemed like one way to make an impact.
Second, I decided to take a look at what I spent on eating out. Part of that expense is the quicky meal at a fast food outlet a few times a month, but most of it is due to the congregate meals and bar nights with friends (about 6-7x/month), which can amount easily to over $100 a month. Some of the meals/drinks are on my debit card and so easy to track, but others are cash…much less easy to get a handle on.
Third, I decided to give myself a break on the search for a synagogue and just work on my internal spirituality. The reason for this decision is the amount of emotional and psychic energy it takes to go somewhere new, where I am unknown. The decision to put a hold on this was a decision to allow myself that needed break…and permission to Just Breathe. Instead, I am adding more Grace into my life, being thankful for what I have more often, and practicing some of the internal graces. I am working on an online study of Abraham and Sarah…and just quietly learning to wait.
Fourth, I have found that I really enjoy the creative process of cooking. So, I am going to explore that a bit more. I am trying new recipes. I enjoyed the process of breadmaking and the scones. I think I want to focus more on the scones (as I am still eating the bread) for now…and try out different recipes. Who knows? This could be my signature baking item.
Fifth, I made the decision to write letters on Sunday. Initially this was to set a time to find a way to communicate with my mother. Now, I am faced with the real possibility that my time to do that may be limited, as she is now on hospice. I have decided to continue with that practice anyway. A letter to Mom will be a part of it as long as it can be…but, I also want to catch up with long neglected friends.
Sixth, I started a small white board that sits on the counter in the kitchen. It has current things I want to do on it. Usually it is what I want to do that day, but it can also contain one or two items I need to do at some point. Things I do not want to lose track of (ie, inflate the tire on the cart). So far this has worked well for me…nudging me to not let projects slide…and sticking to plans.
Then, there are hopes. Hope that friends and family will stick by me as the year rolls around. Hope that somehow, in this journey I am on, that I will find a purpose for my life, a reason to be. Hope that Roxie and I will continue together next year, although she is slowing up. Hope for life.
Feathers of My Mind 